The Lost Art of Spontaneous Human Interaction!

Before the days of the internet and all its forms of meeting, and interacting among human society, people had to rely on face to face interaction or encounters in order to meet new people. Ponder the thought. There was no filling out of profiles, no swiping right, no typing out your quirky pick up line, followed by your reason for why you think you’d be an eligible bachelor for that person, followed by encoding a message to confirm you’re a real human and not some bot, or artificial intelligence. Yes there was a day where if we really wanted to meet someone, we would’ve had to rely on our charm, wit, face to face communication, but first come up with a subtle gesture to first catch that person’s attention while letting them know you’re interested in getting to know them.

Many people today have become so plugged into the tech or social media world that they have forgotten how real out in the field human interactions works, and this archaic form of interaction may not only seem foreign, but a downright scary activity or situation. Yes the fear of “Rejection” is real in society today, and our tech oriented lives coupled with social media has produced the perfect storm for this. Rejection is a common fear in today’s society where the sense of belonging to a group or community is ever more heightened with the expectations social media places on us. The quest for more hits on your channel, more likes on your posted pictures and comments, the greater the amount of people you have on your friend’s list the more elated you feel about yourself, and yet this gives a false sense of approval from not just your peers but more importantly yourself. How many of these people on your friends list or those who liked your picture do you actually interact with on a daily basis? When was the last time you went out on an outing with one of these individuals, enjoying a good conversation or actual “human presence” of any of these people? When you take a step back and think about it, the majority of our social or leisure time has become spent behind a screen, not interacting with actual flesh and blood, and soul, human beings! And no, work does not count. There you’re actually forced to interact with real people.

When you think about It, when was the last time you sparked up a random conversation with a stranger in public? Someone who you’ve never met before but got a feeling from your intuition that you should talk to this person, or that this person may resonate with you, and become a good friend if not a significant other. And set aside those expectations, this person might have a message or answer to a nagging question that’s been on your mind all day. You may be able to learn a new life lesson from this person, or not even. Simply this person may brighten your day from something they say, crack a joke, or vice versa, you could brighten their day with your brief presence. But will any of this happen if you’re going about your daily tasks while face deep in your phone, so fixated by the blue light emanating from that little screen when there’s a whole wide 3D panoramic world all around you which has all but disappeared from your field of view and perception. That post notification or text you just received will still be there waiting for you when you get back home or into your car, but all those people who you are encountering during your outing, you may never have the opportunity to see or interact with again. Think of all the missed potential opportunities, a new job, new insights, new vision, potential new relationships, new ideas, all is missed and falls by the wayside because you’re so fixated on the information relayed to you from your device as opposed to the human experience all around you!

Another problem is that a lot of us have forgotten the subtle art of simple “body language”. Someone gives us eye contact and the fear of public interaction or “rejection” makes us turn away instead of inviting an opportunity of interaction with that person. A smile from someone is met with again turning the other way or pretending not to notice, or as is commonplace with our fear based society, a sense of confusion or anxiety thinking “who is this person and what could they want from me”. Neurolinguistics sheds a lot of light into this very “natural” form of human language which many of us seem to have forgotten. We all naturally used it during childhood, and even infanthood as our grasp of verbal language wasn’t all there yet, we relied on facial expressions to communicate and read each other. Neurolinguistics should in my opinion be taught regularly in school as opposed to just something you accidentally come across on your own, or when learning psychology. We seem to relearn this form of language upon reaching puberty, gaining a whole new level of interest in each other. You feel attracted to someone, and you want them to know it! You crack a smile, or awkwardly look towards the ground when that person comes around you. You feel butterflies in your stomach when in that person’s presence. They didn’t have to say anything or do anything, but you know the feeling is real. That is something you can’t get from a dating site no matter how advanced our technology gets. Although A.I may come up with a solution to this, I would still choose the real thing thank you.

Body language says it all when we meet people for the first time, and a lot of the times we don’t even notice. You judge someone not only by their looks or what they’re wearing, but body posture, expression, the way they walk etc. Someone walking more straight, neck up, chest out, shoulders back, will give the perception of more confidence, someone who is more assured of themselves, or even someone experiencing a good mood that day. Someone walking with a more hunched stance or gait, dragging their feet, having their shoulders down, would display the perception of a more unconfident or diffident nature, depressed, unsure of themselves, translating to someone not so approachable. Think about that next time you’re walking down the aisles of a supermarket or in the mall with your face hunched down into your phone!

These are real skills we start to learn and apply at the school dance, when first going to a party in your teens, and then when you become of drinking age, or steal your older siblings ID “not recommended though!” and start entering the bar or club scene. Now you have to learn the art of spontaneous human interaction if you want to meet new people. Or at least we did before the age of the internet, but let’s face it. When you meet someone in person face to face for the first time via bumping into them or encountering them in public, as opposed to having to go through the planned, robotic approach of a dating site first, it feels more rewarding, more genuine, and if we’re going to let the ego have some say in this, more of an accomplishment!

So put down that phone! Start walking out in public with confidence once again, shoulders and neck up! Become more aware of your surroundings, make eye contact, crack a smile now and then and brighten someone’s day! It’s not always about you right. And as for your phone, leave it in your pocket and put it on silent! It won’t miss you if you choose not to give it attention for a bit, but you may be missing out on life and new experiences, or humans interactions if you don’t start choosing to spend more time away from it!